: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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