U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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