I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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