take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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