i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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