Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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