The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I forget how to act sober
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
