And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
