You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
