Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
