So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
