i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
