cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
