Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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