My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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