You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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