so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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