He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
