Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found the puke drawer
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
