So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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