it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
