I'm so fucking centered right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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