Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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