your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
