she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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