The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
