just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
