Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
