Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
