Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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