maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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