I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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