I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize