She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
