I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
