I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
