just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
