I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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