Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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