the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
