I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
