High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
