just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize