It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
