...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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