Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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