im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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