Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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