I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
