she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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