I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't turn off my feet"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
