a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
