last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
