I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
