I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
