This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
