Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
