And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize