I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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