Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
