I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All the doctor said was why
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
