Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
