thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
