Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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