Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
