Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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