I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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