i think i have herpe
just one?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
