How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
