Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
