she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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