around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
