Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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