you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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