I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
