i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
