Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
