Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
