No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
