My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
