Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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