After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
