I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
