i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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