Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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