dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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