Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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