He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
