So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I smell like Dick and happiness
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