he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i think i just lost a toe
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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