Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
