I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
