he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
