oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
