My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
