Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
