I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
