we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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