She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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