Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
