So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
