Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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