She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
