you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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