I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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