I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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