I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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