Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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