i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
