tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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