So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize