Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
