So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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