The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
