Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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