He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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