I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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